Not too long ago, I was someone who was always up for some drinks and a good time. I would have no problem starting my nights at 10PM and staying out until the wee hours – even if it was a worknight. I was spontaneous. I could drink most men under the table, dance for hours on end and live on takeout food without gaining a pound. I still don’t know how I managed to survive on an average of 3 hours of sleep a night. A lot of my choices probably weren’t the best, but even so, those were some of my best times.
As I got older my priorities started shifting and little by little the crazy started to diminish. Eventually I tucked those wild party days into a memory box and put them on a shelf. Just another phase in life.
Having my daughter not only softened my soul, but softened my life. I traded in my scandalous clothes for basic black leggings and comfy shirts. I used to shake my tits for free drinks, then I became the drink supplier. Starting the night at 10pm and stumbling in at 4am switched to falling asleep by 10pm and rolling out of bed at 4am to start my day. Binging on McDonalds double cheeseburgers after a night of drinking turned into weekly meal planning and eating our weekend “linners” at 4pm. Old friends ask if I will ever let loose again and new friends can’t believe I ever had wild past.
I think that since I struggled with getting pregnant, it gave me a different perspective on life and it made me want to spend all the time that I could with my daughter.
I work full-time, which means I spend more hours in my office than I do at home. I decline a majority of the offers to go out after work, because I am rushing home for a few extra minutes with my family before the day ends. My days are planned out in advance, usually full of kid classes, dog training, and family weekend activities. When we spend time with our friends, it’s usually somewhere that our daughter can tag a long. Some suggest that my husband and I get a babysitter so that we can enjoy a night alone to stay out late. Sometimes this is a friend making a genuine suggestion, other times its their subtle way of telling us that they don’t want to be bothered with a kid around. I can completely understand where they are coming from. But the truth is that I enjoy getting to bed at a reasonable hour and being energized first thing in the morning when she wakes up and I enjoy having my girl around wherever I go. I just haven’t reached the point yet where she drives me crazy and I need a break from her. I love sharing my time and making memories with her.
Sometimes its hard to explain to people, that it isn’t my personality that changed. I still dance like no one is watching, I am still just as blunt as I always was, I can still cuss you out until I am blue in the face, and I will still go into ass-kicking mama bear mode if you fuck with my family. It’s just the environment that changed. I still give myself “me” time, it’s just much more laid back than what it once was.
So maybe now my life is in a category that is closer to prune juice & canasta, but I am truly in a happy place. I needed the change. I needed the calm. I needed the consistency.